Noni's smile

I feel as though I'm floating... in the middle of my life, in the middle of nowhere. I can't get a grounding. It has been a bad year, followed by a bad month, a bad week, a bad day. At least yesterday was. 

I have no real expectation of things getting better any time soon, which is sad. There were 3 possibilities all of a sudden that could have moved our lives into a more positive financial direction -- which could have loosened up the burdens and allowed for some breathing room. Two of those possibilities are gone now and one that seemed promising is eerily quiet. I suspect it will soon be null and void. 

But a month ago, nothing was happening and then there were three possibilities. In the very dark back corners of my brain I know there will be other opportunities that I cannot see today but my mind isn't ready to look for them, hold on to them, believe in them. 

There is one positive however that presented itself to me last evening. I came home in a foul mood, in a slump, depression setting in and looked at the same old mail. As expected, there was junk mail but then there was one odd envelope addressed to my children. This usually means a letter from Africa. And this time was the same. 

Inside, a letter painstakingly written under the guidance of a house mother. A typed version of the same. A report on the village full of children in Central Africa. That was all fine but what made a difference was the hand drawn picture of a little girl celebrating Christmas and a photo of our girl. Let's call her Noni. There she was looking healthy, well fed, in a lovely dress and with ... that ... smile. Noni's smile made a world of difference in my otherwise drab day/world. 

Remember the little things such as a smile. They do make a difference. Thank you Noni... what you give us through your smile is so amazing.

 

Today sucks

Today sucks. I lost it in front of the kids. For the 2nd day in a row the car wouldn't start despite my husband "checking" it and giving it a jump with cables. I am driving a borrowed car. I can't take my kid on his field trip tomorrow. 2 out of 3 job possibilities for hubby are now gone and I wouldn't be surprised if the 3rd one just fizzles out and they never hire at all. All I feel up to is complaining about it. I'm not really hungry. I'm not happy. Any goals seem to come with a price tag I can't afford. Despite the happy light, depression may well be kicking back in. Yay 2012 - not so far.